Common cold

Oh, how I hate being sick. Even worse it when it’s just ‘the common cold’ because there isn’t anything you can do about it—other than hydrate, eat well, and rest. (Sorry, I don’t buy into the chemically-enhanced ‘cures’ on the market today.)

It started on Saturday. It’s now Monday evening. I think I might be just well enough to make it to the office tomorrow. Though I don’t know if I’ll make it through the entire day.

The worst thing, of course, is that there isn’t anyone here to coddle me. And I want to be coddled.

Oh, how I hate being sick…

Common Cold
by Ogden Nash (1902-1971)

Go hang yourself, you old M.D.!
You shall not sneer at me.
Pick up your hat and stethoscope,
Go wash your mouth with laundry soap;
I contemplate a joy exquisite
I’m not paying you for your visit.
I did not call you to be told
My malady is a common cold.

By pounding brow and swollen lip;
By fever’s hot and scaly grip;
By those two red redundant eyes
That weep like woeful April skies;
By racking snuffle, snort, and sniff;
By handkerchief after handkerchief;
This cold you wave away as naught
Is the damnedest cold man ever caught!

Give ear, you scientific fossil!
Here is the genuine Cold Colossal;
The Cold of which researchers dream,
The Perfect Cold, the Cold Supreme.
This honoured system humbly holds
The Super-cold to end all colds;
The Cold Crusading for Democracy;
The Führer of the Streptococcracy.

Bacilli swarm within my portals
Such as were ne’er conceived by mortals,
But bred by scientists wise and hoary
In some Olympic laboratory;
Bacteria as large as mice,
With feet of fire and heads of ice
Who never interrupt for slumber
Their stamping elephantine rumba.

A common cold, gadzooks, forsooth!
Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth;
Don Juan was a budding gallant,
And Shakespeare’s plays show signs of talent;
The Arctic winter is fairly coolish,
And your diagnosis is fairly foolish.
Oh what a derision history holds
For the man who belittled the Cold of Colds!

9 thoughts on “Common cold

  1. bleh! my only resolution will be to avoid bugs …. so of course i will fail.
    get better soon
    ditto with the chemical cures – from an avowed hot drinks and paracetamol use

  2. Yuk, being ill is just not fair. And even worse when there’s no-one to coddle you. Hope you feel better/well again soon. And I don’t think you should be struggling into work if you think you can only manage a half day – not with the commute you have!

    Nag, nag

    xx

  3. In general I would agree with you about avoiding chemical drug things….but zinc really does help! I never discovered it until I moved to this great new country haha, but it works…

  4. Thank you, ladies! I didn’t make it into the office today, which was probably a good thing. I did manage lots and lots of rest and sleep though, which is probably a better thing!

    I’m actually looking forward to going to the office tomorrow since I’ve been gone nearly a week between my foster daughter being sick and now me!!

    (Oh, I have heard that zinc helps and I’d put that in with vitamins and minerals, not chemicals.)

    xx

    • You sound like you feel a little better; so glad!

      Sorry, your list didn’t include any mention of supplementary vitamins/minerals etc so I thought you were denying yourself any kind of help like that!

  5. Sure, zinc would fit in nicely with the vitamins/minerals…just as would a good old fashioned bowl of chicken soup. Or even tea with lemon and honey. And a hot toddy would help you get to sleep nicely! Hope you are well enough to attempt work tomorrow.

    • I’ve been filling my belly with chicken soup, juice, mint tea, and fresh fruits since the weekend. My neighbour came by with some juice and bananas for me and suggested I drink lime juice with honey, which I believe would work but I’m not sure I want to drink lime juice just yet!

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