Maybe you’ve heard me say it before, but when Paul died people said some pretty stupid things to me. And maybe you’ve also heard me mention that I started writing them down because I found it to be therapeutic. And maybe you’ve also heard me promise that I’d share that list. And today’s that day. Yay!!
But first, here’s a look at the fairy garden that you first saw a week ago. It’s really growing fast, huh?
OK, back to the list. I feel the need to give a couple of disclaimers before you can read it.
The first is that this list will either make you cry or make you laugh. If it makes you cry, I am sorry. If it makes you laugh, then welcome to my morbid little world. (They say widowhood gives you a twisted sense of humour. I think that’s true.)
My second disclaimer is that, whilst a couple of the people making these comments were actually extremely rude in their entire behaviour toward me, most of the comments were made by people who (I think) were just trying to be nice. I honestly believe that they thought they were sharing ‘soothing’ words of wisdom with me and didn’t understand that platitudes suck. (I never knew that before, either.)
[These were all said within the first six months of my husband dying at which point I stopped adding to the list.]
- Do you think if you did CPR better he would have lived?
- How long are you going to wear his wedding ring? It’s kind of creepy.
- Do you really think red nail polish is appropriate?
- We’ll have you back on the dating scene in no time! (One month out)
- When do you think you’ll start dating again? (One month out; a different person than the first)
- Let me know when you’re ready to date because I know a couple of guys who would like to meet you. (Two months out; again, different person—my potential dating life is still a big deal to people especially now that I’m nearly two years out!)
- Oh, I didn’t think you’d be going out in public so soon. (2.5 months out)
- I guess your luck finally ran out.
- At least you’re young and can start over.
- At least you didn’t have kids.
- You’re lucky that probably won’t be having kids now!
- I know just what you’re going through. I got divorced a couple of years ago–only I wish my ex was dead!
- I know how hard grief is, when my cat died it took me months to get over it.
- In a year’s time it will all be like a bad dream and you’ll be ready to move on.
- Wow, you must really be sad then, huh?
- Was there anything you could have done to save him?
- Do you think it’s your fault that he died?
- Maybe if you stayed in Scotland he would still be alive, you know because they have free health care.
- I guess all that healthy eating and exercise was in vain.
- I would be a lot more upset than you seem to be if it was my husband.
- I can’t believe that you’re going back to work. I would be too upset to even get out of bed.
- You weren’t married too long so it will be easier to get over it.
- Will you be selling your wedding rings?
- Think of it this way, you’ll get to have the excitement of a first kiss again!
- Since you did CPR, at least you got to give him lots of kisses before he died.
- This is going to make you a stronger person.
- Do you think you’ll be alone for the rest of your life now?
- Maybe if you lived in a big city he would have lived.
- Hey, at least you can eat meat now!
- Maybe you need antidepressants because you shouldn’t still be crying after a month.
- Well, at least widowhood is a good weight loss plan.
- It’s time to cowgirl-up. We all have issues we’re dealing with.